Balance.
Equality.
Harmony.
Proud.
Charisma.
Passion.
Power.
| I | AM | LIBRA |

It is so. damn. important. To know who you are. To listen inside. I am a strong believer that there is a delicate balance between living life by life’s terms, & living life on your own terms. It’s like a continuous, unbreakable cycle. I think for a long time, I stopped listening to Me. I stopped listening to Stephanie. Or maybe I never really listened and in a way this made me deaf to my soul. But I will say this. Having to deal with SIBO, Candida, & Leaky Gut, and whatever the hell else is going on inside of my body, has taught me volumes about who I am and what I am capable of.

Last week, an acquaintance reached out to me. Someone who had no idea about my situation until reading this blog, and they commended me on my hard work, determination, and diligence. They explained that most people use far less of an excuse to NOT achieve a goal, or go after what they truly wish to achieve in life.  I won’t ever forget their words, or their kind act of reaching out because sometimes, we need to be reminded of the power that lays within all of us.

I come across people every single day who just lack complete and total willpower to achieve what is necessary, whether it be a personal goal, or something detrimental to their survival. & that’s really fine if that is what they personally wish to do for themselves. But is it really worth it – cheating yourself of your full potential? What is the point of working your butt off in the gym, just to counter your efforts with a poor diet? Or not drinking enough water to hydrate your body? If you know you are sick, and you choose to fix with medication instead of heal your body with food? There is an importance in finding the balance, especially with this particular lifestyle. Understanding how to control your food, mind over matter. Using food as fuel, getting past the ideal that foods are only as good as they taste, versus what that benefits that food can bring to your health and your physique.

If it wasn’t for SIBO, I would not understand my body and I truly believe that I would not have made as much progress that I have with my physique, especially considering that I am a natural athlete. I would not have been as successful as I have been with having mental control over food and IIFYM. I know IIFYM isn’t for everyone because sticking with your allotted serving can be hard, especially in the beginning. & I am far from perfect. After 5 weeks on prep, I can finally enjoy a refeed today. I have been chomping at the bit for a few days now. My muscles are flat. My lifts were harder to push this week. I am craving the food that I will be enjoying this evening. Only a few more hours now!  Sure, I could have enjoyed my refeed at any day this week, but Saturday’s are the day that I can enjoy a meal eaten out at a restaurant in good company. It’s hard to feel normal during a prep, when your friends just want to go out on a Friday night and I am all over here like yeah I just want my family, a movie in my onesie, and cuddles with my puppy.

I digress (happens when there’s sushi and Coconut Bliss ice cream on the brain). What is important here is, I have found a blessing in my curse. SIBO has taught me so much about my strength – physically and mentally. I am not weak. The strength prepares me for challenges that I face every single day. Stick to your guns. Know thyself. Only you know yourself better than anyone in this world. Listen. Understand. I knew my body was not functioning right over the past few weeks, and after process of elimination, I determined that I needed the S.Boulardii strain in my gut. After over a week of reintroduction, I am MUCH better then I was. Not perfect. But better. I only imagine that it may take me some time to get back to where I was. I would never understand my body as well as I do if none of this happened to me. I wouldn’t be the woman that I am today. & to be honest, I am pretty damn proud of who I am today. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

My next move is to ask my doctor about incorporating some digestive enzymes. I think that I still struggle with initial digestion – lack of stomach acid and macronutrient breakdown that is assisted by pancreatic enzymes that are released during digestion. I think that if my stomach were to properly breakdown my food and absorb all of my food’s nutrients, that this might help my gut motility, which has slowed down a bit since all of this happened over the past few weeks. Nothing debilitating, but not where I was back at the end of 2015.

Sweet. Good post. I hope everyone has a good weekend! <3