I spent all morning updating this blog, making it more visually appealing and accessible! I also decided to publish one of two IBS research papers that I wrote for my Pathophysiology of Human Disease course that I took last semester. You can find that in the post below.

I really want to pay more attention to this blog, but at the moment I feel physically and mentally taxed, trying to manage my time between school, clients, and work, all while trying to balance my own fitness and continuing to move into my house.

Sometimes I feel like I have so much to say & no one to say it to. Lately I have been feeling strangely ashamed to post my life & thoughts on social media. There are countless experiences, situations, questions, complexities, etc that I would LOVE to talk about because I know there are other people out there who have gone through the same, but perhaps are also too nervous to talk about them.

I hate how social media has become so fake, especially since I seek to participate in the community for other reasons. Sometimes I just wonder if things are better kept personal.

I know from experience that if I don’t have my home and living situation aligned, it’s very difficult for me to find organization and peace in the other arenas of my life. Unfortunately, I don’t get another break off of school until August 11, so until then I will be treading water I think. I have made a promise to myself that I cannot and will not take on anything onto my plate that I cannot fully commit my 100% to. I have lived the past 2-3 years in such a state of transition that I think I can stick it out for a little while longer while I finally settle myself in to a place that I can finally call HOME.

Vermont.

Home. Somehow in the past 6 months, this place that was just an Airbnb for the winter became my home. This new territory that I have entered and the adventures that come along with it outweigh the challenges that I mentioned above. I set a goal in late 2018 for this year that I would be able to try and make a move to VT and I pulled it off!

I struggled a few months ago with homesickness, but I realized that if I left here to go back to CT, that I would feel WORSE. Settling in kind of snuck up on me and as much as I miss my family, moving has been transformative, healing, and fulfilling. I have fallen far more in love with my new life and journey being here and this is only the beginning!

Every time I drive down Route 100, I fall more in love with the vibrancy and prominence of the green mountains, the clear blue sky, and the fresh air coming through windows. Things just continue to fall right into place as they should. It feels meant to be. It feels like I have been here all of my life. I moved all alone to a new state entirely and made it work. Maybe I can share how I did it in a future post.

Until it happens to you.

2018 put me through unspeakable hell. There are things about that year that will be forever ingrained in my history. There is trauma that I may never be able to escape from. Or at least right now that is how it feels because I relive a lot of it everyday. I think that I live in chronic emotional pain but I choose not to let it take control of my life or overtake my happiness because I have so many powerfully exciting things going on that I am so grateful for!

Literally crying as I write this, but I promise they aren’t sad tears.

I know that it would be super helpful for me to talk about it, and I hope that maybe one day I can. But just like when I got sick with SIBO 5 years ago, I would not be where I am today without the pain & challenges of last year. I wouldn’t be a graduate student studying nutrition, I wouldn’t have my own business, and quite possibly would have never had the gumption to move to another state.

I know someone somewhere would benefit from me talking about my experiences but something feels so narcissistic about talking about myself. I always want to help people. I never want to share my story to yield pity or attention from anyone. I want to share my story to help others who might be going through the same thing.

Anyway, that’s enough for today. This semester is a whirlwind again but I will leave that for another post. Thanks for reading everyone <3